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She
Said He Said
is a forum for you to ask private and intimate questions and solicit
dating and relationship advice from both a male and female perspective.
Sheila Goldfarb and Heath La Fontaine are not professionals, but
will answer questions and protect your anonymity. If you have a
question you'd like answered, click on the link at left.With serious
problems or questions, please seek help from trained experts.
On to the questions...
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Q:
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Hello Advice.
Do
you need Xanax? Val1um? V1a6ra? Well, get it CHEAP CHEAP CHEAP
from our online pharmacy. Want more information? Click here.
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-Sheila said:
We need better spam filters here. Note to self:
talk to editor about better spam filtering...
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-Heath said:
Yes,
Yes, and maybe, if V1a6ra is anything like Viagara.
How did you know?
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Q:
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Hey Sheila and Heath:
I'm
gay. Is it wrong if I say, "That is so gay" if I
think something is lame? Or is that really gay? I mean lame?
Thanks.
Bruce A.
New York City
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-Heath said:
Well, I'm actually lame, but I take no offense
when people say something is "so lame," so
I say just grin and bear it. I'm sure you're used to
that...
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-Sheila said:
I'm all about people in a group being allowed to
make jokes about that group. But I don't think you're
making a joke. So I don't know. Let me ask my big-nose,
frizzy-hair, cheap-ass brother.
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Q:
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Dear She Said He Said,
I
often write to "Ask so-and-so" columns for various
celebrities and they never answer my questions/comments. So
I'm kinda scraping bottom here to see if at least you guys
will.
-Ned Goldfarb
Austin
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-Sheila said:
Ned, I'm glad you didn't ask a relationship question
because I would never want to help such a dick. But,
yes, we are un-busy enough to answer even your non-specific,
non-relationship-based question. It's been a slow summer
here at the advice column...
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-Heath said:
Is
the real problem here that your name is Ned? Or that
your last name is Goldfarb? Oh wait, that's also my
co-counselor's last name. Sorry, she-she. Love you.
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Q:
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Hi guys. I've missed you. Long time since we heard from you.
Hope you had a great winter. OK, now that I've said that,
I have a question. Do you think it's weird that my boyfriend
still sleeps with his baby blanket? We're both 30. Thanks.
-Sleepless in Baltimore
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-Heath said:
Yeah, that's weird. But you're 30 and not married,
so let's not even get started on what the hell is wrong
with you...
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-Sheila said:
Thanks Sleepless. What I think is weirder is that
you've chosen to live in Baltimore. I mean, I have some
camp friends from the DC area and they totally rag on
Baltimore. I know they've done a lot to the waterfront,
but still. It's Baltimore. But back on topic, get rid
of the blanket. Just throw it away. He probably never
cleans it and it is likely festering all sorts of germ
colonies.
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Q:
How often should I get tested for
STDs?
Mark (Norman, OK)
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-Sheila said:
How often do you change partners? Clearly
the higher the frequency is on that front, the
higher the trips to the clinic should be. But
just to be safe, how about every year when you
get your physical...
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-Heath said:
Unless you are an actor in adult films, who
are required to get tested once a month, you really
should never need to get tested. Why ever put
yourself in a situation that is even remotely
questionable? It's not worth the stress no matter
how hot she is. Until you have been with a partner
long enough to know for sure that they are clean,
get used to the feeling of banging a Ziploc bag.
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Q:
Long
time, first time. Thanks for taking my letter (assuming
that if this makes it to print, you have). I've been
dating this girl. Is that OK?
-Lawrence (Hollywood, FL)
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-Heath said:
It took you this long to write us, so your
anxiety issues are clearly not limited to your
relationships. Stop whining, put the GameBoy down
and grow some balls.
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-Sheila said:
Is that the best you can do? You've seen
how we work. We need better material than that
if you're gonna make it online. Actually, I guess
not.
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Q: Dear He Said, She
Said,
I just got out of a relationship of over 2 years, and i have
the urge to hook up with as many girls as i can right now.
I had this one girl who was pretty steady hookup before i
got into my relationship 2 years ago, and i would like to
continue hooking up with this girl again. How do i go about
talking to her? I mean, i haven't really talked to her in
over 2 years, but i'd like to start banging her again.
Thanks,
-Seth Dwight
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-Sheila
said:
Seth, don't flatter yourself. You're probably not
worth waiting around for. She's probably moved
on. You should, too. Nobody likes stale crackers.
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-Heath
said:
I feel your pain, man. After a long relationship
finally ending, you realize you can finally go
for all the chicks you weren't allowed to move
on, and of course you wanna bang everything in
sight to supress your angst about the end of it
all. Who wouldn't?!?! You definitely have a shot
at hooking up with this girl again if things didn't
end badly and she is a reliably carefree fuck
buddy. But chances are she's going to wonder why
you're suddenly showing interest in her again
and, at best, you'll need to put in some effort.
You'll need to meet up with her a few times only
on a friendly basis, sharing a meal and going
shopping with her, showing genuine interest and
demonstrating that you are to be trusted and allowed
back in to the inner sanctum. Then she might give
it up. But wait until you are both drunk. It's
just easier that way.
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Q:
Hi guys, How are
you?
Thanx for providing a place like this for help. So anyway,
there is a guy I have liked for a long time now, that I might
have possibly fallen in love with. He is ready to ask me out,
but as much as i may have wanted it before,
I dont think i want it now. First off, he is graduating next
spring, which
means if we did hook, we'd only have a few months together.
And we are like best friends, he knows everything about me
and vice versa. I trust him and i know he wouldnt hurt me,
but I dont know if I really want it or if i am just scared.
Either way I dont want to lose him. What should I do? Thanx
for the help.
Lindsay.Wynters@(school).edu
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-Heath
said:
If there's one thing I can't stand, it's people
not following through with something they have always
wanted because they are too scared. You seem like a
mature, responsible young woman, so as long as you are
aware of the possible ramifications of going through
with it, you will not get hurt. You will probably have
some real fun. Consider yourself one of the lucky ones
and go with it - These situations rarely materialize
as feelings are not reciprocated by one party or the
other. But when they do work out, it's always these
longtime crushes that end up being the most fun. Do
it for everyone else out there who will never get the
chance.
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-Sheila
said:
I have this friend who was totally, obsessively
in love with her best guy friend for years. She sorta
told him. He didn't respond in kind at first. So she
was hurt and built up a wall around herself. She ended
up turning into a total tramp. Hooking up with all these
guys. Then he was like, woah, maybe I should be with
her. But that was only after I, I mean she had already
slept with like three of his good friends. Wait, this
isn't really analogous to your story… Just go for
it. If something like getting together is going to ruin
your friendship, than the friendship wasn't built on
much more than sexual tension anyway
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Q:
Help me... I am
so scared. I am on the pill and my long term boyfriend and
I have been having unprotected sex a lot lately. Well tonight,
it was extremely painful and messy, if you know what I mean,
and I know it is not my menstrual cycle. Is there anything
wrong? How can I get better??
Thanks,
Angela in Cincinnati
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-Heath said:
Ggggggggggggggg. Um, Sheila, you wanna take this
one.
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-Sheila said:
Um, please see a doctor and spare us the bloody
details. Literally.
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Q:
Dear Heath and Sheila,
I've been going out with this girl for a few months
and she recently told one of her friends that I'm not
the best guy she's been with. Long story short- it got
back to me and now I feel like an idiot. Are there any
techniques you could tell me that could help? Thanks.
BenjaminH77@********.com
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-Sheila said:
Sleep with her friend and see what the friend
thinks...
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-Heath said:
The next best thing to practicing, is watching
the pros. Instead of using all that porn you own
for your own personal gratification, consider
it an instructional video. Carefully study what
they are doing and learn from them, and then go
to town once you feel you have mastered the new
skill set.
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Q:
How
drunk is too drunk? Is there such a thing as too drunk?
Also, if you are drunk and have sex, does it count?
-Lara Blackstone, Cummings, Illinois
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-Heath said:
If you are getting so intoxicated that you
are finding yourself in situations you later regret,
then you are too drunk. And not only does it "count,"
but you are a huge whore and he will tell all
his friends and it will likely count as three
or four on his list (you know we inflate our totals...).
Of course, you'll never know you're too drunk
because by the time you're actually at that point,
you're blacked out, naked in someone else's bed,
and your clothes are covered in vomit. However,
if you're peeing in someone's closet and you know
you're doing it, then clearly you're not drunk
enough.
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-Sheila said:
If you have to write to a couple of online
relationship advisers to check if your behaviour
is dodgy, then (a) get better friends, you know,
the kind that Bailey had on "Party of Five"
and have interventions, and (b) yes, you've been
too drunk. As per your "does it count?"
yes. And seriously, you should get checked regularly
for any sexually transmitted diseases. If you're
so irresponsible that you're whoring it up when
you're drunk, you're likely not practicing safe
sex.
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Q:
I just started
dating this girl who I happen to find incredibly attractive.
However, she has the worst sense of humor EVER, and
certainly isn't going to be winning any spelling bees
anytime soon. That said, she is kind and means well,
so I'm struggling with just what to do here. Keep seeing
her and give her a chance (and pursue a purely physical
relationship with a gorgeous woman) or return to my
search for the total package right away? Regards, and
Happy Holidays,
-DeShawn
R, Long Island, New York
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-Sheila
said:
It's all about the package. When you find the
right person, their intellect will be a turn-on
enough.
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-Heath
said:
Are you really asking this? Dude, you can have
your cake and eat it, too. Date her casually while
keeping yourself out there and available. Until
you feel pressured into being exclusive, live
the dream AND look for your dream girl at the
same time. If she is as "simple" as
you claim, you can probably get away with this
for several months.
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